Give Peace a Chance

Today is the 44th anniversary of John Lennon’s death.  It's hard to believe that so much time has passed and how much has happened.

I was 24 and remember vividly the cold December day that it happened.  It sent shock waves through my family.  

It was 1980 and as I walked through my neighborhood, there was a large poster hung on a front porch, trimmed with Christmas lights, sharing John’s message “Give Peace a Chance”.

Women's Rights in America

Throughout my life, I have witnessed what I believed to be the dawn of true equality for women.

However, my hope turned into disillusionment when I realized what a slow and painful path it would be. For every step forward, it often felt like we took three steps back.

Now, in 2024, we find ourselves at another pivotal moment. Our reproductive freedoms have been rolled back by more than 50 years, reminding us that the fight for equality is far from over. 

It’s a painful reminder that our progress is fragile and that we must never give up our pursuit of what is rightfully ours - the Right to Choose!

My Choice

This story begins in early 1971. The Vietnam War raged on, while the Civil Rights and Women’s Liberation movements continued their fight against long-standing inequities in the United States.

Unmarried women faced significant discrimination when trying to sign contracts or purchase property on their own. Abortion was not yet legal except under very specific circumstances for adult women and not at all for minors without parental consent.

At 15 years old, I found myself pregnant and being driven to the doctor by my boyfriend for an abortion. He said this doctor would perform the procedure without my mother’s permission, but I had to convince him that I was mentally stable enough to make this decision on my own.

I was terrified and did not want an abortion. As I sat in the room, trying to cover myself with the thin paper gown, I desperately tried to think of something I could say to make the doctor refuse to perform the procedure.

After an emotionless discussion and a very cold examination, the doctor told me to get dressed and left the room.

A few minutes later, he returned. Speaking in the same flat tone, he said, “I’m sorry, but you’re too far along for an abortion.”

I was overwhelmed with joy and immediately began to cry. I now had to tell my boyfriend, who was waiting in the car. Knowing he would be furious, I let him believe that my tears were because we couldn’t go through with it.

A few months later, my daughter was born, marking the beginning of my new life as a mother.

Now, 53 years later, the issue of abortion and women’s reproductive rights is once again facing restrictions and is at risk of being subjected to increased government control.

In 1971, I had no choice. If I had not been six months pregnant, that doctor would have proceeded with the abortion, illegally and against my wishes.

Implementing and upholding laws that protect women's rights is essential for safeguarding our fundamental freedoms and opportunities. It empowers us to make autonomous decisions about our lives and our bodies.

The choice must always be ours.

Don’t Wait Until You Need To, To Get Your Affairs in Order

After some significant events this past year, I realized that I have seriously neglected one of the most important responsibilities I have to my family - estate planning.
 
Over the years, I’ve created a rough draft of my will, gathered a few documents, and designated beneficiaries for accounts where required. However, there’s no comprehensive compilation that would truly assist my family in the event of my incapacity or death.
 
I know firsthand how painful and difficult it is to manage someone’s affairs while grieving their passing. I don’t want to put my family through that.
 
Now, after a not-so-subtle nudge from the universe, and in the hope of not needing it for a very long time, I’ve decided to finally bring all those bits and pieces together. 

           

I began with the most manageable and least emotional aspects of the process—household and financial information. I considered what details would be necessary if someone other than my family needed to handle these arrangements.
 
This approach not only kept it from feeling too personal but also helped me be more thorough in listing the details.
 
Using documents I already had for bank accounts, investments, property details, and more, I created a single spreadsheet to consolidate the information.
 
After several hours, I realized how crucial this document would be and how much time it was actually going to take.
 
At first, it was overwhelming, but it emphasized how critical it is for me to complete this task and keep it up to date. 

I thought, if it was this difficult for me to organize all this information when I know it, how much harder would it be for my family to sort it out after I’m gone?
 
After two weeks, I finally have what I believe will be a workable document that my family can easily access to manage all the details they will need.
 
These are the five categories I felt were most relevant, although I keep thinking of additional details to include:
 

• Identification: Name, DOB, Social Security, Passport, Next of Kin

• Household: Property, Utilities, Mail/PO Box, Storage

• Financial: Bank/Retirement/Credit Accounts, Tax Accountant

• Medical: Doctors/Hospitals, Medication, Organ Donation

• Personal: Social Media and Email Accounts

 
In addition to the spreadsheet, I have the following documents:
 

• Will

• Financial and Medical Power of Attorney

• Living Will or Advance Directive

• Letter of Intent and Last Wishes

 
I understand that laws in the U.S. vary by state, so I will have these documents reviewed by an estate attorney and discuss them with my family.
 
While I won’t be here to comfort them in their grief, I want to relieve them of the additional burden of sorting through the details of my life.
 
For me, preparing these documents is an act of love and responsibility.
 
By organizing everything now, I hope to make things a bit easier for my family during a difficult time, so they can focus on cherishing memories rather than dealing with the details.
 
It’s my way of helping them through a tough moment and ensuring my wishes are clear and manageable.
 
Have you done your estate planning?  What part of this experience is the most difficult?  Share your thoughts and comments!

Published on - Sixty and Me

Trust Your Instincts

How often do you feel discomfort about a situation and dismiss it?

I do it far too often. It's rare for me to look back at my initial reaction and think it was wrong.

Usually, the mistake I make is ignoring my feelings and going against my own best judgment.

In “The Gift of Fear” Gavin DeBecker writes brilliantly about this common and dangerous tendency, especially among women. 

We are taught that being nice is more important than being safe. 

We are afraid of offending the stranger on the elevator that gives us the creeps, or we hesitate to confront the friend or family member who is verbally abusing us.

We have an amazing gift of intuition and usually know when something is not right. 

I am learning more everyday how important it is to trust my own instincts and stay safe.

Season of Change

This is the time of year when I begin to sense the coming change of season.  The Autumnal Equinox is a very powerful time of year for me and always signifies great change.  It feels like the energy of an approaching storm.  

My excitement and anticipation are increased because it is always a positive shift that occurs during this time.  I take quantum leaps out of my comfort zone into the pure joy of something new.

My mother commented when I was a young girl that most changes occurred for me in the Spring and Fall and that I should pay close attention to what was happening in my life around those times each year.  

As a farmer's daughter she understood the relevance of the earth cycles and how each of us has our own "season".  This is my time of year and I'm anxious to see what new and wonderful experience awaits me!

Spotlight

A wonderful change has occurred within me.

I no longer feel the need to resist anything.

Those things that I once felt compelled to push against are part of someone else’s struggle, not mine.

Now, I spend my energy more wisely, focusing on the things I care about most - love and kindness.

Keeping the spotlight on the beauty makes everything else pale in comparison.