Appreciation

Today I am focusing on appreciating everything good in my life. I want to deliberately seek out those things that make me happy and acknowledge them.

It is easy to do that when I am feeling good but days like today when I am a bit down it is very important to shift my focus. I am learning more and more that I have no control over anything except myself and my reaction in the world. What I do know is that good or bad each moment will pass and so I have to put my energy and focus on what I want not what I don’t want in my life.

It is a lovely spring day and I can’t begin to count all the wonderful things I have to appreciate!

Something for me

Recently a friend asked why I was writing this blog, what was the purpose? That was a very interesting question because I thought it would be obvious to someone who knows me… My answer was it is something just for me. It is an expression of my thoughts and feelings that I give voice to by putting in such a public forum.

Another friend summed it up very nicely – she described it as a conversation with myself. She also said I sounded very cautious and she is right. I have to be very careful to write what I am feeling and not edit it based on what someone else might think. That in itself is a very good exercise for me. I am used to filtering my words into something more easily accepted by others. Now it is time to let the real me shine and do something just for me.

Integration

My entire life has been a prelude to this stage of my journey. Finally after all of the years I can begin to integrate the different aspects of myself and my world. As I listen to other "women of a certain age" I realize that this is something many of us begin to do in our fifties. We needed the knowledge and experience from living our lives before this process could begin.

Just like any system you have to know and understand the various elements and how they fit together. I think the first chapters of our lives are trial and error. Growing and testing to see what feels right, merging and blending where we can. It is only after you have pieced all of that together, removing some things and adding others that we begin to see the larger picture. Now what emerges is a clearer image of what we want our lives to be…

Control

I find that the more heavily invested in the outcome I am the more control I try to have. The harder I try the less power I really have and that is usually when everything goes straight into the ditch!

All of that for me comes from fear – fear of the unknown. What will really happen if I let go and just let it be? My deepest insecurities rise up when I let fear take over. I feel frightened and unsafe and have to do something to protect myself.

My first instinct is to try to control or manipulate the situation so I feel comfortable again but that does not work. What works is to release control and trust that everything that happens is for my highest good!

Positive Aspects

When I am experiencing some difficulty in my life it is not always easy to focus on the positive aspects of the situation. But, when I really think about how I am feeling I can change that fairly quickly.

Most of that is because I don't like the discomfort of the negative emotion. Anger, frustration, disappointment.... all of that is a big waste of time and energy. I go there as easily as the next person but I try not to stay there for very long.

My life and happiness are much more important and when I start looking at the fantastic opportunities that have just opened up I can easily see the positive aspects!

Contrast

It is not always easy to see but sometimes the best way to know what we do want is to experience what we do not want. This has been a tremendous influence throughout my life.

I may not know where I do want to go but I can tell you exactly where I don't want to be! Having that information is so valuable because it helps me create a new map for my life.

What I try to remember is that the plan is in pencil not ink! You can make changes and revisions as you go along. Sometimes when I'm not sure how far I've really traveled I look at the wonderful and dramatic contrast of what my life was!

Nurture

As a mother it was very easy for me to nurture and cherish my children. I prepared nutritious meals, watched out for their safety and tried to help them develop self worth and know their value in the world.

I know I am not alone when I say that women tend to be very good at taking care of others but not always so good at taking care of ourselves. I grew up during the Women's Liberation movement and it was a very exciting time. Full of the promise and hope for all of those things we did not have access to in the past. It was a time of great change but also of tremendous responsibility.

Women now can have it all – the problem is that most of us try to do it all! Slowly I am learning that if I nurture myself and cultivate my health and happiness I will understand my value in the world.

Wonderland

This morning looks likes a winter wonderland outside, it is just beautiful. We got over a foot of snow last night and now the sun is peaking out and it is already beginning to melt.

That is something I really appreciate about living in Colorado, even though the weather is sometimes severe, it doesn't stay for very long. The moisture from this storm will nourish the plants and trees so they can bloom in all their glory.

Be Playful

I don't know who the author is but there is a quote that I love "Be playful and stay open the possibilities are endless"!

It is too easy to get caught up in the seriousness of life. I am particularly guilty of that. Outwardly I may seem to be a very serious person but the truth is I have a silly, childlike nature. That was one reason why I loved being a parent, it gave me an excuse to have fun!

Under the quiet, sometimes shy facade there is a little girl who loves to laugh and play. I need to let her out more often!

Inspiration

I am so inspired by seeing others doing something they really love or watching a wonderful movie about people accomplishing amazing things.

As a girl I loved to read autobiographies like Helen Keller or the Diary of Anne Frank. It was unbelievable how much someone can overcome and succeed.

Because of my own personal obstacles I learned how to survive and then having gone through that I knew I could achieve anything I wanted!

Peaceful Days

Today I feel relaxed and at peace in the world. As I drifted off to sleep last night the only thing in my mind was how wonderful my life is.

I am so grateful to have more time to spend at home. Little things like cooking and cleaning at an easy pace is very satisfying. I appreciate everything a lot more when I slow down and enjoy the moments of my life.

The Eagles did a great song "Peaceful Easy Feeling” that describes me perfectly today!

Spring

Spring may be my favorite time of year. It is such a dramatic change in season and so full of surprises.

This is my first spring in my new house and I can't wait to see what blossoms. I know I have daffodils in the yard and a lovely family of rabbits that I've been feeding all winter. There is also a wonderful foot path that goes around a large lake that has geese, ducks and all sorts of wildlife. It will be fantastic to see all the new life that has been created during the winter.

I am so amazed at the beauty of the life cycle, just as everything sleeps it awakens and begins again….

Wealth

My definition of wealth has changed dramatically in the last decade. It is no longer about money its self but how you feel about it. To say that I grew up poor would be a serious understatement and yet I know now that we were much more fortunate than many others.

Poverty truly is a state of mind and will limit everything you think you can do or have. And as long as you are setting those limits you are a self fulfilling prophecy. There were several things that helped me shift my perspective but 2 that were significant in the process. The first was Gratitude – to be honestly thankful for everything I have. The second was to Give to others - time, money or things it doesn’t matter.

What was interesting was after a short amount of time the more grateful I was to have something to give the more I received and the more I received the more I gave….. On and on until I realized that for me this is the true meaning of wealth. I am so very grateful to have so much to give!

Patience

Patience truly is a virtue and I am still struggling to learn this. Persevering and staying calm during long delays can be very difficult for me. As I learn more about manifesting or creating what I want in my life I find it is a true test of my tolerance.

We are a society of instant gratification and so the concept of waiting for what we want is a challenge. Although, I do know that if we are confident and mindful everything will work out exactly as it needs to. Asking for something is easy but then you must have enough faith and patience to allow it to come into your life.

Don't Stop

Don't Stop was a great song by one of my favorite bands - Fleetwood Mac and it is the perfect theme for my day. As the song goes - "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow, don't stop it'll soon be here. It'll be better than before, yesterdays gone, yesterdays gone."

I have to remind myself every day of what I should never forget - to appreciate today and look forward to tomorrow. It is unbelievable how everything that I need and want works out. Not in the conventional way or even the way I envision it but perfectly and at exactly the right moment!

Reclaiming Power

Today I woke with a strong sense of purpose. There are things I need to sort out and sift through to reclaim my power. Not just physically but mentally as well.

Someone told me once that the person who cares the least in a relationship has the most power. That struck me as profound and sad but true. At least it has been true in my life.

Now I am finally feeling strong enough to sever those ties that are hurting not helping me. It is so easy for me to be caught in the trap of what someone wants and needs from me that I forget or forego what I need. Every day I am grateful for this wonderful life and will do my best to make the most of it!

Gaining Energy

There are those things that deplete our energy and things that give us energy. Spending quiet and peaceful time with a good friend is something that always replenishes my energy. To be with someone so kind and honest is an incredible thing, I can let my guard down knowing I am safe.

There is no pretense or judgment just a calm sense of being happy and comfortable together. It is amazing when you spend time with someone you love and respect, suddenly everything seems clear and simple. It becomes more apparent what I really need and want in my life.

Clarity Among the Ruins

Now I realize why I have procrastinated unpacking so many of the boxes I have conveniently stashed away. The energy of those things is tremendous!

Some of these boxes have been moved from place to place for years without so much as being opened. Yesterday, as I began to go through it all I unleashed a torrent of energy. It was so strong I could not sleep at all last night. I really underestimated the power of holding on to so many things.

There were some wonderful discoveries in the process, things that I love and will always cherish. Then there are those things that brought up memories that I would rather forget. Now as I sit in this war zone that was my peaceful home, I hope to find some clarity among the ruins.

Healing

We are all wounded in some way. It may be something that was taken from us or something that was never allowed to grow. Either way I believe it is what we are here to learn and overcome.

That is why I am so grateful for every circumstance in my life, even the most painful. Each and every event has given me a better understanding of myself and helped me to discover who I was meant to be.

Letting yourself heal from a wound is not for the faint of heart. You have to pull back the bandage and examine the injury. Once you gauge the true nature of the condition then and only then can you begin the recovery.

Disappointment or Discovery

Although I am a very interested student I still find myself getting caught in old traps that are difficult for me to get out of. One of those things is expecting everything to work out exactly the way I want it to.

The funny thing about that is what may initially look like a disappointment always turns out to be a wonderful discovery of something that I needed! It is unbelievable how different it looks if you stop trying to control the outcome and just let it be what it is.

What I realize more every day is that we have to trust that everything happens for a reason and it always works out for the best!

Intention

I have always considered myself to be a very mindful person but recently I have learned how much more I can do. From "Ask and it is Given" there is a process called Segment Intending. Essentially this is to break down your day in very small pieces and set a positive intention for each of those segments.

Before I began this I was amazed how much time I let slip by throughout my day. Whether it was cooking dinner or getting ready for bed I was doing several things at once and not taking the time to set any deliberate intention about it.

Now I am experiencing an awareness and appreciation of even the smallest moments as I move through my day. Knowing that I have consciously decided how I want to spend my time is very satisfying.

Smile from the Heart

You can feel when someone is smiling from their heart. It is deep and tender. To witness that type of genuine happiness is infectious!

I have a friend who set out on a journey to find himself and change his life. He was so strong and courageous in seeking his path and now he is living the life he was meant for.

He is an amazing inspiration to me and what you can accomplish if you stay true to yourself. Whenever I think of him it makes me smile from my heart!

Tests

Just when I think I have learned something new the universe gives me a pop quiz. A little test to see if I really understand the lesson or if I’m just going through the motions.

I have to pay close attention and not lose focus. As my awareness increases I am able to see the divine and absurd in a way that might have previously escaped me.

Wanting something does not make it happen. Having faith and allowing it does, that is the real test. When I am challenged by doubt or disappointment that is when I have to ask for help and release my resistance so what I want can come into my life.

Abundance

Every day the abundance of life astounds me. Just to see the unbelievable events and circumstances that unfold when you pursue your dreams.

No matter what it is - there is nothing you cannot be, do or have if you hold it in your heart! I have learned that the only reason we don't get what we really want is because we don't let it into our lives.

I loved the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun", the heroine gets everything she wished for. We never know how those things will manifest so we have to trust in the eternal, limitless power of the universe and know we will have all that we want and need.

Contentment

I used to equate contentment with boredom. Over the passing years I have had so much change, challenge and excitement that being bored was highly unlikely.

Most of that was my testing the limits to discover what might be right for me. I didn't know if I liked something until I tried it, so I tried as much as possible!

Perhaps this is the appropriate next chapter - I have had those incredible experiences and now I am looking for a slower, sweeter pace and all the contentment that brings.

Strength

I find it very interesting when people underestimate me. Just because I am polite and soft-spoken they mistake me for weak. I can usually tell when someone thinks I can be bullied or controlled. They speak to me in a very condescending and demeaning way.

I give them the benefit of the doubt, knowing they have issues that I am not aware of and that it is not really about me. But if they persist and it is someone that I have continued contact with I have to show my strength. Just like the old Chinese proverb – Do not wake a sleeping tiger…

Surprises

Surprises from the universe are little unexpected gifts that appear and brighten your day.

I love it when I have a dream or thought of someone and they call or contact me.... Or someone I've never met that shows up in the most unusual way.

Sometimes I feel the energy of those things before they arrive but sometimes it is just a lovely and pleasant surprise.

Enabling

Enabling actually has a very positive definition, it allows something to grow or develop. It is only when the support and encouragement is used to perpetuate bad or dysfunctional behavior that it becomes a problem.

I have really struggled with this and it goes along with my needing to set better boundaries for myself. Little by little I am learning to recognize when the assistance I am providing isn’t really helping at all. I see it much quicker now, so I know I am progressing.

It has always been important for me to stay connected to people in my life. I believe love and friendship should be kind and gentle not harsh or abusive. The first person I need to help and nurture is me, maybe then I can help someone else.