My low tech life

It's kind of interesting to me that even though I work in IT, I am not really a big gadget or technology person.  As incredible as it is to be able to connect with people and endless resources around the world, anytime day or night, on a multitude of devices, I feel like I may have hit my limit.  Now, I realize that may sound a bit strange as I'm writing this post for my blog, but it's true. 

This entire technological explosion has been a real revelation for me, I grew up with AM radio, a rotary dial telephone that often did not work when the weather was bad, a black and white television that you actually had to use rabbit ears and get up to change one of the 4 channels we had to watch.  News was still delivered on paper in our front yard and chats were across the fence with the neighbor.

I really enjoy the great interaction with people through social media but for me nothing compares to sitting with someone, in person, face to face and having a lovely visit. 

Hannah

It signaled the end of one time and the beginning of another.  There is an old Native American belief that something goes away before something new can come in.  That was my experience 5 years ago as I stood with my friend and her family when their mother passed away.

My life, once again, had become a series of stressful situations and I was not sure what direction I needed to go in.  When I found out that my friend's mother was very ill and going into a nursing home I decided to leave my job and go to be with them.  I knew there wasn't anything I could do except to be there to support them but it felt like the best thing I could do for them and for me.

What an incredible experience it was to sit and spend my days with a lovely woman at the end of her life.  She was not lucid much of the time but she still had vivid memories of her life on the farm and the family she loved so dearly.

At the month's mind I said goodbye to my friends and returned home to begin my life again.  It was a beautiful reminder of how precious life really is and that you should not take even one day for granted....

My Job

It is not my job to make anything happen.  It's not up to me figure it all out.  If it hasn't happened yet it only means that I'm not ready or that something better is coming.

It is very important that I stay open and see what develops.  The possibilities are endless and I never know what wonderful thing will occur and make my dreams come true.

I have seen it over and over again in my life - when I am working so hard to make something happen it stalls.  Everything becomes more difficult and not pleasant at all.  As my unhappiness grows the worse it gets.

But then, one morning I wake up and the sun is shining and the sky is blue and I remember that everything is working out exactly as it is supposed to.  It is coming to me in the perfect way and at the perfect time and I can't rush it.

My job, my only job, is to be patient, focus on what makes me happy, quiet my mind and stop all of the planning and arranging so it can come to me.

Training Wheels

For me, trying something new is like learning to ride a bike for the very first time.  It looks so easy and then the fear sets in.  When I think of all the things that could go wrong, I can easily change my mind and not do it at all.  I have to remind myself to start small and keep the training wheels on.  Something to help support me while I gain my balance and until I feel confident enough to keep myself stable and moving forward. 

Joy Amplified

Knowing what to expect with each new grandchild amplifies my excitement beyond belief.  I was thrilled when my grandson was born and I understood how it felt to be a grandmother for the very first time.  Then our sweet little girl arrived and it seemed unbelievable that it could be even better.  

 

Now, with the 3rd I feel like my heart might burst with happiness.  With every precious new arrival my joy increases and I feel so grateful and very blessed.

 

50 Years

How could it have passed so quickly.....

It was over 50 years ago that the Beatles performed on The Ed Sullivan Show.  And so it began - the British Invasion of America.  Music that touched me so deeply and became the soundtrack of my life.

The Book of my Life

My life is like a wonderful book. A thrilling, adventurous, love story with each new chapter more exciting than the last. Every page brings anticipation of what fantastic new thing will occur and I never know what it will be.  Sometimes it can be tempting to try to jump ahead and figure out the ending but I wouldn't want to miss the pleasure of the journey as the story unfolds.

A Change in Focus

I feel like a young child learning to speak or walk for the first time. Something very significant has changed and now the world feels open to me in a way that I've never known. 

My focus has shifted from trying to make things happen to letting them evolve organically.  As my awareness increases so does my sense of peace and joy.

Ease and Flow

I have spent my entire life learning what did and did not make me happy.  Sorting and sifting though all of my experiences has helped me to grow into the person I am today.  It was a valuable and important lesson but now my work is done. 

Now, it is time for me to step back and let it come to fruition.  You can only do so much before you have to let it be what is was meant to become.  For the first time in my life I am learning to feel and truly appreciate the ease and flow of life.....

Stop Trying

When you are trying so hard to see something clearly, soften your gaze.  If it is something you want to hear, try to be silent.

The harder we try to bring something in the further we push it away.  The only thing to do is stop trying and let it come to us naturally.

Superstition

I have become very superstitious about taking clues from the universe.  What I have experienced is that if I have to try too hard to make something work out then it will not turn out the way I wanted it to.  But, if I relax or distract myself in a way that lets my mind be free the genuine and heartfelt path always appears. 

Man on the Moon

45 years ago our family sat huddled around our black and white television in the basement of our suburban American home.  Filled with wonder and pride we watched as Neil Armstrong stepped onto the surface of the moon.

I was only 13 and it seemed more like science fiction than reality to see the fuzzy grey images flash across the tiny screen.  My little brother and I were so mesmerized we couldn't believe it was really happening.  Somehow it felt like the beginning of something we couldn't even imagine and suddenly anything seemed possible - even going to the moon.

Memories of Mom

The heavy cloud of grief has passed and now I can look back and remember all the wonderful things about my mother that the pain of losing her made me forget.  I'm not sure how many people knew her truly funny and quirky side.  She had such a serious and difficult life that it must have been very hard for her to relax and let her true self shine.  When she did it was a joy to behold and now that is the woman I remember.

She loved Science Fiction, watching Star Trek (the series) every week is one of my fondest family memories.   Then there were the Saturday night movies on our old black and white television.  Watching "The Day the Earth Stood Still" and "War of the Worlds" was a special treat with popcorn and a bag of miniature powdered donuts!

She could be so funny and irreverent, I always thought that was the Irish side coming out.  She wasn't the sappy, sentimental type but she had so much love and passion.  You could see it every time she was near her grandchildren - she loved them more than anything in the world.

22 years on, I miss her more than I can say but now I can smile because I will always have my memories of mom.....

Something Wonderful

I have always been an optimist - even when, and sometimes especially when, things were painful or difficult.  I always believed that everything happened for a reason and that one day I would have a wonderful life and live happily ever after.  It might seem like a fairy tale but it was just what a sad and frightened young girl had to believe to survive. 

For many years, I kept a little note in my wallet that said "Something wonderful is about to happen".  Not only was it a great reminder for me to focus on the positive but I truly believed it. My entire life has been an incredible transformation - year by year, event by event so I knew anything was possible. 

This week as I emptied out my wallet, once again I opened that precious little scrap of paper.  This time something was different - a shift has occurred, I felt a surge of energy wash over me that was pure joy.  Quickly I grabbed a pen and crossed off the old message and in it's place wrote "Something wonderful has already happened"!

B's Birthday

I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing 4 years ago when my grandson was born.  Looking at him for the very first time I felt overwhelmed with love and gratitude for this precious life.  It was so exciting but what I did not realize was that in that instant my life would be forever changed.  Now with each passing year, as that little boy grows so does my heart!

Learning the Laws of the Universe

Learning about the Law of Attraction has been a very interesting journey for me.  Over the past few years I have come to understand that we attract everything that comes into our lives.  In an attraction based universe we get back whatever we put out there.  I have always believed in the philosophy that you reap what you sow and have tried to live by the golden rule and treat others as I want to be treated. 

What is very significant and new for me is the concept of intentionally projecting my thoughts in a way that I can see the results in my life.   Whether it is the job that I want, the house I want to buy or the relationship I want to have - I can truly have it all.  The really interesting part is that I don't have to really have any of it to have the joy of it.  The more pleasure I have in thinking about it the more it comes true.

Just this week, I thought how nice it would be to buy a larger house with a great porch and backyard for my to grandchildren to play in.  I remembered the house we lived in when I was a girl and how much I loved playing in the yard.  We even had an old concrete incinerator that we would light up on summer nights so we could stay out later. 

Very nice thoughts and memories but I didn't expect anything to come of it.  Then I went to visit my daughter and saw the house next door was for sale.  It was a beautiful ranch style home with a gorgeous covered patio, nicely manicured garden and big backyard, there even was an old incinerator in the back!  I just smiled realizing that this was exactly what I had been daydreaming about.  The house is already under contract so I won't be buying this particular house but it felt so wonderful to see it manifest before my very eyes and know that I can have the joy of anything just by feeling it in my heart.

The Secret of Life

I was reminded again this week what James Taylor sang so beautifully "the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time". 

Just when I feel overwhelmed with stress and anxiety I have a wonderful day with my 2 precious grandchildren.  They fill my heart with so much love and joy that everything else melts away and I remember how beautiful the passage of time can really be.

https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=youtube+james+taylor+secret+of+life

Take any Train

On a recent business trip to Portland, Oregon I learned something new about myself, something that I never fully realized before.  It was while I was waiting for my train to go to work, standing obediently I watched for the Green Line that ran between my hotel and the office.  I had just missed the last one so I knew I needed to be patient and wait until the next one arrived.  As I watched the Red and Blue lines pass by it dawned on me, I see all of these trains at both of my stops so I could probably take any of them.  Not to mention, what was the worst thing that could happen if I took the wrong train - I could simply catch another and get anywhere I needed to be.

It occurred to me that this was a metaphor for how I have lived almost my entire life.  Not only do I follow the rules, but sometimes I take them so literally that I can't see other opportunities that may be passing me by.  Even though it surprised me, it was something I was sure my daughters knew very well about their mother.  I laughed and sent them both a message to tell them of my grand ephiphany! 

How wonderful it is that at 58 years of age I can learn something so profound about myself.  It is very freeing to realize that I can take any train and get to where I want to be.




 

Making Lists

I am a lifelong list maker, everything from what to buy at the market to what I want to have happen in my life.  Most of the time it's a fun way to keep my thoughts and dreams going forward and I usually take them more as a suggestion than a rule but now I am rethinking how much power these seemingly innocent little notes have.

Today as I was watching a wonderful Abraham-Hicks clip I realized that some of my lists were highlighting what was missing from my life instead of celebrating what I already have.  That was a huge revelation for me, especially because I believe that we attract everything that comes into our experience. 

So instead of focusing on what I don't have I will make grand lists of all the wonderful things that I do have and am so very grateful for!

Performance of Love

Recently I attended a fund raising event with my daughter, something that I really enjoy.  This particular event provides help and support for families in crisis and that cause is always very close to our hearts.

As we sat at the table, the band began to play an old song from the 80's.  My daughter instantly smiled and  began to tell the woman next to her a story from when she was young and still at home. 
"This reminds me of the little plays we used to put on" she began to explain.  "We lived in a small house with a big front porch and all the kids in the neighborhood used to come to our house to play.  My mom worked downtown at the time and she used to take the bus to work.  We would wait for her to come walking down the street and then all sing and dance to give her a grand welcome home."

I had forgotten all about that and now 30 years later here she was sharing that beautiful story of a precious time in our lives.  Those were true performances of the love that we shared as a family and it makes me so very grateful for all that we have. 

Creating Abundance

Many people comment on the fact that I seem to easily create abundance in my life and think there is some mystery or trick to doing it themselves.  Nothing could be further from the truth - it is actually very easy once you understand that it is all how you think or feel about it.

I have created some very simple but effective little ways that always produce great results for me.  Part of that occurs just because I believe that I have the power to influence everything I do. 

When paying bills it is typical to feel a sense of lack, money going out.  So, I decided to turn that around.  Now when I sit down to write checks I think to myself that this is no longer money that I owe but it is actually money that I am earning.  I can't tell you how often I do this especially if I have a large bill to be paid and have received a check in the mail for the exact amount. 

Before and during medical examinations I concentrate on the strength and health of my body and that even when the results seem negative I focus on the opportunity I have for learning about what I can do to improve my physical condition.

I also share my well being with others in any way that I can, even if it is only to send them a prayer for whatever they may need in their life.  Every time I give my time or energy to help someone else it comes back to me ten fold.  It really is the little things that make the biggest difference and that combined with genuine gratitude creates beautiful abundance in my life.

House Proud

A dear friend of mine will tell you that she is 'house proud' and I understand that very well because of my mother.  She scrubbed and cleaned well into the night to make sure that everything was spotless.  It always bothered her that even though I like to keep a tidy and clean home, I didn't share her enthusiasm for the serious jobs like washing walls and hand scrubbing floors.

Every year when it is time for spring cleaning I think of my mother and smile knowing that she would be happy to see that she taught me well and that I can also be house proud even if it is only on occasion.

Unexpected Joy

I love those beautiful unexpected moments in life that surprise and delight me.  Like returning from spending the holiday with my daughter and her family when she called to say my 1 year old granddaughter had been asking for me since I left.   Or turning on the television late at night and seeing a concert with the reunited Mavericks.  It’s those simple and beautiful things that truly make life worth living.

 

 

What I learned from love

It has taken a very long time but I am finally beginning to see myself in a new way and love the person I see.  It is interesting that I did not discover this by focusing on myself but instead it was while I was thinking of a beautiful relationship I had in the past.  It felt so wonderful that I wanted it to go on forever, alas it did not.  But what I realize now is that I was given an incredible gift - not only did I have an amazing experience with another person but I am now able to see myself as that woman who has so much love inside that she can freely give to others.

Gain Stability

I have found myself increasingly anxious and bored lately.  I must be very careful during these times because I can make huge changes in my life, not necessarily because I want to but because I need to do something, anything, that's different or new.  I do enjoy variety and change but there is contentment to be found in the mundane and it can foster great creativity.  So for now, I will slow down and look forward to gaining peaceful stability before I jump back into chaos.

I'll Die Young

58 years and getting younger by the day.  I suppose at this stage of life I am old enough to be wise about the choices I make and yet still young enough to enjoy them.  It is amazing to me how my life continues to improve as the years go by.  I am happier and healthier than ever and I'm so excited to see what the next chapter brings. 

I know that aging is a sensitive subject for many (especially women) but not for me.  I feel very fortunate to have made it this far and it just keeps getting better and better. 

I don't know who wrote it but there is a lovely Irish tune that says it all for me -

Life is like a ladder, I'll dance on every rung. If I live to be a hundred, I'll die young....

Grandma Magic

When I can help a fussy baby get to sleep or distract the kids while mom is cooking dinner my daughter calls it grandma magic.  The first time she said it, it took me by surprise - what a lovely thing to say. 

Being able to describe that special relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is not easy.  Whenever I talk to other grandparents we all have the same thing in common, we had no idea how incredible this experience would be.  Everyone tries to tell you when they know you are expecting your first grandchild but you cannot understand it until it happens.

One of the most beautiful things in the world is to see your daughter grow up and have children of her own because you know one day she will get to experience the magic of being grandma!

Finding My Way

For many years I have studied different philosophies about how to find your true self or make your dreams come true. All of them are very interesting and I have learned a great deal about myself but it has always been in bits and pieces, no one process or belief has stood out above the others until recently.

It hit me as I began reading yet another "self-help" book - I am no longer lost or searching!  I have found the key to my happiness by paying attention to how I feel.  I know if something makes me feel good or bad just by thinking of it.

It wasn't anything anyone could teach me, I had to discover it for myself.  What is it that brings me joy, that fills me with wonder and amazement.  What is it that makes my heart sing.   I know when I feel it, and never doubt that that I have found the way that is right for me.

Happy Anniversary

Today marks the 4 year anniversary of this blog.  I remember how frightened I was to actually put my personal thoughts out into the world.  My writing has always been a very intimate and private affair and to actually share that in such a public way was very intimidating.  Not to mention, I didn't really know how much I would have to say.  As it turns out, quite a lot :)

Now, it is an avenue of expression that gives me so much pleasure and satisfaction.  I am still writing just for me but the support and acknowledgement I have received has been tremendous and I am very grateful.

Thank you all very much for being with me on this amazing journey!

Gentle nudge from the Universe

Looking back on my life it is amazing to see how far I have come and how much I've grown.  When I was younger I was so stubborn and willful that it took some pretty difficult lessons before I started to listen to what the universe was trying to tell me. 

You know how that works - at first it's that quiet little voice inside that tells you what feels right and what doesn't.  When you don't pay attention, it gets louder and louder until it presents itself as a big issue in your life and you can no longer ignore it.  I really didn't know there was any other way to live.  Perhaps I have finally matured to a point that now I know there is a better way for me to experience changes in my life without all of the pain and disappointment.

Now when I get that gentle nudge from the universe, I sit up and pay attention.  If I listen closely, it comes softly as a question to be answered not a problem to be solved.

Trust and Knowing

I love knowing that things always work out for me.  It is amazing to see a dream or desire that presents itself at the perfect place and time in my life. 

I never know exactly how or when it will reveal itself but it always does and it's always in the most delightful way!  Even though I believe it will happen, I am always surprised at the outcome because it usually occurs in a way that I could not have planned or anticipated.   

Now, I can relax and trust that everything truly happens for a reason and whatever it is, I know that it will always work out for me.

Manifesting Joy and Expansion

It is very interesting when I talk to other people about how I personally create what I want in my life.  They always want to know how I do it but then somehow don't seem to like my answer.   Sometimes the concept is too far outside of their beliefs for them to hear it and they immediately dismiss it as luck or some great coincidence.  With some of the more spiritually minded some will become a bit defensive, pick apart my process or even suggest that that somehow my life is all about the acquisition of money and things.  

My response is very simple - I manifest for the pure joy that I receive from the growth and expansion.  Everything I do in my life is toward that purpose.  When I feel myself getting stuck or even sliding back into a place of sorrow or stagnation I have to do something dramatic to shift my vibration and get back into that wondrous mode of pure and blissful creation.

Ritual and Celebration

As I prepared for the New Year, I realized what a creature of ritual and celebration I've become.  In some ways I've always been superstitious about this holiday, like cleaning house the day before and never throwing anything out on the day.  My grandmother always said whatever happens on the 1st day is what we will have all year.

So today, on this beautiful and perfect new day I will cook, laugh, dance, write and give thanks for all of my blessings.  Let the celebration begin!