Give Peace a Chance

Today is the 44th anniversary of John Lennon’s death.  It's hard to believe that so much time has passed and how much has happened.

I was 24 and remember vividly the cold December day that it happened.  It sent shock waves through my family.  

It was 1980 and as I walked through my neighborhood, there was a large poster hung on a front porch, trimmed with Christmas lights, sharing John’s message “Give Peace a Chance”.

Women's Rights in America

Throughout my life, I have witnessed what I believed to be the dawn of true equality for women.

However, my hope turned into disillusionment when I realized what a slow and painful path it would be. For every step forward, it often felt like we took three steps back.

Now, in 2024, we find ourselves at another pivotal moment. Our reproductive freedoms have been rolled back by more than 50 years, reminding us that the fight for equality is far from over. 

It’s a painful reminder that our progress is fragile and that we must never give up our pursuit of what is rightfully ours - the Right to Choose!

My Choice

This story begins in early 1971. The Vietnam War raged on, while the Civil Rights and Women’s Liberation movements continued their fight against long-standing inequities in the United States.

Unmarried women faced significant discrimination when trying to sign contracts or purchase property on their own. Abortion was not yet legal except under very specific circumstances for adult women and not at all for minors without parental consent.

At 15 years old, I found myself pregnant and being driven to the doctor by my boyfriend for an abortion. He said this doctor would perform the procedure without my mother’s permission, but I had to convince him that I was mentally stable enough to make this decision on my own.

I was terrified and did not want an abortion. As I sat in the room, trying to cover myself with the thin paper gown, I desperately tried to think of something I could say to make the doctor refuse to perform the procedure.

After an emotionless discussion and a very cold examination, the doctor told me to get dressed and left the room.

A few minutes later, he returned. Speaking in the same flat tone, he said, “I’m sorry, but you’re too far along for an abortion.”

I was overwhelmed with joy and immediately began to cry. I now had to tell my boyfriend, who was waiting in the car. Knowing he would be furious, I let him believe that my tears were because we couldn’t go through with it.

A few months later, my daughter was born, marking the beginning of my new life as a mother.

Now, 53 years later, the issue of abortion and women’s reproductive rights is once again facing restrictions and is at risk of being subjected to increased government control.

In 1971, I had no choice. If I had not been six months pregnant, that doctor would have proceeded with the abortion, illegally and against my wishes.

Implementing and upholding laws that protect women's rights is essential for safeguarding our fundamental freedoms and opportunities. It empowers us to make autonomous decisions about our lives and our bodies.

The choice must always be ours.

Don’t Wait Until You Need To, To Get Your Affairs in Order

After some significant events this past year, I realized that I have seriously neglected one of the most important responsibilities I have to my family - estate planning.
 
Over the years, I’ve created a rough draft of my will, gathered a few documents, and designated beneficiaries for accounts where required. However, there’s no comprehensive compilation that would truly assist my family in the event of my incapacity or death.
 
I know firsthand how painful and difficult it is to manage someone’s affairs while grieving their passing. I don’t want to put my family through that.
 
Now, after a not-so-subtle nudge from the universe, and in the hope of not needing it for a very long time, I’ve decided to finally bring all those bits and pieces together. 

           

I began with the most manageable and least emotional aspects of the process—household and financial information. I considered what details would be necessary if someone other than my family needed to handle these arrangements.
 
This approach not only kept it from feeling too personal but also helped me be more thorough in listing the details.
 
Using documents I already had for bank accounts, investments, property details, and more, I created a single spreadsheet to consolidate the information.
 
After several hours, I realized how crucial this document would be and how much time it was actually going to take.
 
At first, it was overwhelming, but it emphasized how critical it is for me to complete this task and keep it up to date. 

I thought, if it was this difficult for me to organize all this information when I know it, how much harder would it be for my family to sort it out after I’m gone?
 
After two weeks, I finally have what I believe will be a workable document that my family can easily access to manage all the details they will need.
 
These are the five categories I felt were most relevant, although I keep thinking of additional details to include:
 

• Identification: Name, DOB, Social Security, Passport, Next of Kin

• Household: Property, Utilities, Mail/PO Box, Storage

• Financial: Bank/Retirement/Credit Accounts, Tax Accountant

• Medical: Doctors/Hospitals, Medication, Organ Donation

• Personal: Social Media and Email Accounts

 
In addition to the spreadsheet, I have the following documents:
 

• Will

• Financial and Medical Power of Attorney

• Living Will or Advance Directive

• Letter of Intent and Last Wishes

 
I understand that laws in the U.S. vary by state, so I will have these documents reviewed by an estate attorney and discuss them with my family.
 
While I won’t be here to comfort them in their grief, I want to relieve them of the additional burden of sorting through the details of my life.
 
For me, preparing these documents is an act of love and responsibility.
 
By organizing everything now, I hope to make things a bit easier for my family during a difficult time, so they can focus on cherishing memories rather than dealing with the details.
 
It’s my way of helping them through a tough moment and ensuring my wishes are clear and manageable.
 
Have you done your estate planning?  What part of this experience is the most difficult?  Share your thoughts and comments!

Published on - Sixty and Me

Trust Your Instincts

How often do you feel discomfort about a situation and dismiss it?

I do it far too often. It's rare for me to look back at my initial reaction and think it was wrong.

Usually, the mistake I make is ignoring my feelings and going against my own best judgment.

In “The Gift of Fear” Gavin DeBecker writes brilliantly about this common and dangerous tendency, especially among women. 

We are taught that being nice is more important than being safe. 

We are afraid of offending the stranger on the elevator that gives us the creeps, or we hesitate to confront the friend or family member who is verbally abusing us.

We have an amazing gift of intuition and usually know when something is not right. 

I am learning more everyday how important it is to trust my own instincts and stay safe.

Season of Change

This is the time of year when I begin to sense the coming change of season.  The Autumnal Equinox is a very powerful time of year for me and always signifies great change.  It feels like the energy of an approaching storm.  

My excitement and anticipation are increased because it is always a positive shift that occurs during this time.  I take quantum leaps out of my comfort zone into the pure joy of something new.

My mother commented when I was a young girl that most changes occurred for me in the Spring and Fall and that I should pay close attention to what was happening in my life around those times each year.  

As a farmer's daughter she understood the relevance of the earth cycles and how each of us has our own "season".  This is my time of year and I'm anxious to see what new and wonderful experience awaits me!

Spotlight

A wonderful change has occurred within me.

I no longer feel the need to resist anything.

Those things that I once felt compelled to push against are part of someone else’s struggle, not mine.

Now, I spend my energy more wisely, focusing on the things I care about most - love and kindness.

Keeping the spotlight on the beauty makes everything else pale in comparison.

Finding My True Self

Sometimes, as we age, our true essence can begin to fade. A life that was once vibrant and grand can become subdued and pale. 

You continue on, day by day, with what needs to done and, in many ways, you feel like you are just going through the motions. When this happens, your spirit feels diminished.

After I turned 60, I began to believe that this new state of being was a natural progression and was simply a new pace that I would become accustomed to.

Rekindling the Vitality I Lost

There were aspects of myself that I felt must be a thing of the past, something from my youth that was not part of who I had become. I was not unhappy or unfulfilled, but, I had lost a great deal of the zest I had previously felt throughout my life.

At the very moment that I needed it most, I met someone kind and gentle who helped to coax me back to my true self. With a little tender persuasion, I quickly responded to all of the life I still had before me and realized how good it felt just to be alive.

There is a Spanish word that describes this reawakening perfectly – “reverdecer” – to make green again, to revive.

Now it feels as if my spirit has been renewed and I have a sense of hopefulness that I have not felt in a very long time. All of the sudden, everything feels possible again.

It Happens So Gradually

We don’t plan on letting ourselves slip away, but, it is so subtle that we may not even notice. Time passes and, slowly, we lose some of the drive that we once had.

It’s not until something dramatic occurs that we remember how we once felt. Then we rediscover all of the enthusiasm that we still have in our hearts.

Just like a daffodil that lay dormant during the winter, in the spring it sprouts and comes to life again. It even bursts out of the snow with a beautiful, irrepressible life-force that cannot be denied.

Reconnect With What Makes You Happy

Do whatever you can to restore and maintain your vitality. It doesn’t matter what it is. It doesn’t matter how big or how small it is – if it brings you joy, you owe it to yourself to do it.

If you can’t do some of the things you used to do, then it is time to find something new. It is never too late to create the life you want for yourself.

Anything that makes your heart smile will breathe new energy into your life.

There are so many wonderful ways to continue to nurture and feed our spirit and all of them make life worth living.

Life Celebrations

Today we celebrate the ancient tradition of “Eostra”. 

It began as the pre-Christian festival of spring and fertility – the rebirth of life after winter. 

The rabbit and egg were classic symbols of fertility and new life used to honor the Vernal Equinox by many different cultures.

Traveling to other countries I have been fascinated to discover a common thread, the ancient origins of the traditions we practice now.

One of the most striking examples was in Ireland at the Hill of Tara and Newgrange. At these beautiful and sacred sites, you will see both Pagan and Christian beliefs honored. 

Respect for all is a true celebration of life.

I Am My New Priority

 It has taken me over 60 years, but I have finally come to understand that you truly cannot take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself.
 
Just like the safety instructions on an airplane – Put Your Oxygen Mask on First!
 
My history is the same as for most women my age, I was the one who looked after, supported, loved, nurtured, and sacrificed for everyone in my life.  Family, friends, husband, children, neighbors, people at work, you name it.  Often to my own detriment. 
 
For many years, I felt like I was the only one who could or would do it. 
 
From the bottom of my heart, it made me happy to give everything I had to those that I loved.  They didn’t even need to ask.  If I saw what seemed to be a need, I did whatever I could to help.
 
It made me feel valuable as a human being to be of service to others.
 
What I didn’t realize was that I was not saving some of that compassion for myself.  Anything I did that was just for me felt selfish and many of those I had helped were very quick to criticize me for it.
 
Now, looking back I wonder if the real issue was what I was taking away from them by having something for myself.  Those of course are the same people who somehow were not available when I needed something.
 
Slowly but surely, I have pulled away from those people and situations.  Creating some distance has helped me to see what I really needed and that was to take care of myself first and then share what I could with others.
 
Remembering what brings me joy and giving myself permission to have it has been wonderful.  I relish those beautiful moments when something new shows up and I know I am free to explore it.
 
There are so many things that I love and now I am taking the time to enjoy them.  Something as simple as shutting off my phone while I take a nap, read a book, or write an article feels like a total indulgence.  I am no longer available to everyone 24 hours a day.  Do Not Disturb has become one of my favorite settings!
 
I am also learning how to say no. Without explanation or apology, just no.  I want to say it kindly but with conviction so I’m practicing different ways to politely decline.  It is a work in progress after a lifetime of always saying yes.  It helps if I just pause before giving an answer to a request.  I try to remember that sometimes I need to say no to them to say yes to me.
 
Another change I am making is how I give.  I love to walk into a grocery store and pay for someone’s food or donate to a worthy cause as a gift to my grandchildren.  There are so many people in need in so many ways that any kindness I can show fills my heart with joy and appreciation.
 
The real beauty of making myself a priority is that I have so much more to give.  I feel nourished and abundant in ways that I never imagined. 
 
My sense of self-worth is no longer tied to what others need from me, it is simply what I deserve for myself.
 
Have you been the person everyone turns to for help?  Are you able to say no to requests or do you say yes even when it depletes you?  How do you take care of yourself?  Share your stories and join the conversation!

Published on Sixty and Me
 

What I Didn't Know About Ireland

                               

As an Irish American, I grew up thinking that I knew certain things about Ireland.   Of course, I had always heard how beautiful it was and how friendly the people were, but I was surprised to discover that there are so many things that as Americans we don't really know about Ireland.

Here are just some of the things that surprised and delighted me during my travels to the lovely green isle.

Top o' the Mornin 

I've never heard an Irish person say this in over 20 years of traveling there.

Corned Beef and Cabbage is not the national dish

The most common or traditional meal I found all through the country is boiled back bacon (pork), potatoes, cabbage and a lovely parsley cream sauce, it's just like the country boiled dinner my grandmother made when I was growing up.  Corned beef and cabbage developed in America due to the cost of food and immigrants living in the same communities with some who did not eat pork.  

Irish Bacon is not the same as Canadian Bacon 

It a gorgeous slice of pork loin (rashers) that I adore!

St. Patrick's Day began as a religious holiday to honor their patron Saint

Until 1970 pubs were required by law to close for the day.  Irish immigrants in America began celebrating in remembrance of their homeland and it has evolved into the green madness we know today. 

The Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland are separate countries

Although they share a border with the South, Northern Ireland is part of the United Kingdom.

Pubs in Ireland are truly Public Houses

They are a place to meet, gather and conduct business.  You are as likely to find a hardware store or linen shop in the same building.  I even found one that had a mortuary on the other side.  Many have become more of a drinking establishment, but you'll still find many true pubs throughout the country.

To say that the Irish are heavy drinkers, is not a fair reflection of the culture

I found drinking to be more of a social activity, and many prefer tea or soft drinks over alcohol when they are out.  My favorite was black currant juice mixed with water, very refreshing.

Having said that, there is a very healthy respect for the black stuff

During my travels I would often see Guinness mini coupes driving through the country to inspect and service the tiny pubs in the towns and villages.  As a woman you are more likely to be offered a glass instead of a pint when you order a beer, just tell them you want a pint, and you'll get a smile and a wink.

We've all heard of Irish Wakes 

I was very moved to hear the story about families having American Wakes for their loved ones who were emigrating to the US - they knew they would probably never see them again.  

Christian - Pagan - Ancient Celts

As I trekked up the Hill of Tara, I was surprised to see a very modest statue of St. Patrick and all of the surrounding monuments and symbols to honor their ancient pagan history as well.

Cherish the History

That is something very unique about Ireland - they don't remove something just because it is old or seems out of date.  A lovely caretaker I met at the Kylemore Abbey gardens explained to me that anything that thrives there stays there. 

Taxi drivers are more like professional tour operators 

They will give you great information about the local area.  It will also be the most interesting conversation you will ever have.  The Irish are very well informed about news and world events and love to chat with travelers about all of it.

How lovely and social they are is not a myth 

If they ask you about yourself, it isn't simply to be polite - they really want to know.  When I lived there, I was told early on, to allow extra time when you go out so you can chat with the people you meet along the way.  

The Irish have an incredible, irrepressible, independent spirit

That is perfectly displayed on the Painted Doors of Dublin.  At the same time, they have a deep love and loyalty to their country, like singing the national anthem at the end of the night after drinking and dancing.  That is something you would never see at an American bar.

They are the warmest, kindest most generous people I have ever met, and the countryside is absolutely stunning.  

If you've been there, then you know what I'm talking about.  If you haven't, then you must see it for yourself to understand the true beauty of this very special place.

To say I was charmed by Ireland would be a tremendous understatement.  It's not only the home of my ancestors but has become the homeplace of my heart. 

Winds of Change

I always look forward to the Ides of March and the change that it brings. 

Not the dark, foreboding of Julius Caesar but the positive, life affirming transformation of Spring.

Flowers are peeking out from the thick blanket of snow that fell last night with the promise of warmth in the air. 

I have learned to welcome each new season and appreciate that everything must change in order to grow.