I’m not sure if it was turning 70, surviving cancer or simply having lived enough life to understand that there is nothing worth sacrificing your peace and well-being over.
Through the years, I have done what most people (especially women) have done. I’ve taken care of everyone else, until there was nothing left for me. Always at the bottom of my own priority list, I was too spent and exhausted to do anything else. It’s no surprise that it took this long for me to discover what was right for me.
Now, something has shifted and I feel a sense of ease that I’ve never known. It doesn’t matter if it is cleaning the house or going out with friends or family, if I don’t feel like doing it, I just let it go.
The big surprise for me was that I actually get more done. The less I demand of myself the more I am able to accomplish. It changes from ‘Have To’ to ‘Want To’ and it gives me permission to enjoy whatever I choose to do with my day.
Getting there hasn’t been easy. I still have the ghosts of ‘I Need To’ haunting my mind. How many things were left undone during my cancer treatment and recovery were weighing heavily on me. I felt overwhelmed by the sheer volume of tasks that were put on hold. I made lists and project plans to get it all accomplished. Doing all of that didn’t make me feel better, it actually made it much worse. Now, I had written proof of what I had not done.
Gradually, I started to reassess all of those self-imposed requirements. Asking myself the really tough questions like “What exactly will happen if I don’t change the closet light bulb?” When I started looking at it through that lens, it all became very clear, these were wants not needs and it began to soften the expectations I had set for myself.
How silly I felt, after all I had been through, that I was letting something so minor steal my peace. So, I looked again at those dreaded lists and realized that absolutely none of it was critical. Yes, they are things that I would like to eventually do or better yet have someone else do, but not right now.
Today, I was thinking of cleaning and doing laundry but what I wanted to do was to sit and write down how I was feeling about all of this. Kind of like the buddy system with exercising. If you do it with someone you are more likely to continue. Sharing this helps to reinforce the fact that I really can do exactly what I want to do and nothing catastrophic is going to happen.
Days of multi-tasking and rushing to get things done are mostly behind me now. If I’m in a hurry, it’s because I’m doing something fun. I’ll happily be quick to get ready for a fantastic outing with my daughter and not give a second thought to that laundry basket.
I realize more than ever that my time and energy are priceless and that all that matters is that I enjoy this incredible lightness of being.
Has your perspective in life shifted as you’ve gotten older? What changes have you seen in the way that you move through your life?
Share your stories and join the conversation!
